I walked by a car the other day that had the quote, "Success is a choice" on it the other day.
I totally agree with this statement. The unfortunate thing, however, is I am a master self sabotage- er.
The choice can be plain as day in front of me and I still choose to ignore it and look the other way.
Winter, you need to stop running temporarily you are injured.
Winter, you really should take better care of yourself...you are looking a little frail.
And the inevitable..Winter you need to stop this or you will die.
The fact of the matter was, I couldn't. I was consumed. My only "choice" was death. I couldn't stop what I was doing on my own.
Today, I have choices. I have the choice to succeed in this "recovery" thing or choose to ignore my team's recommendations for me.
On Friday, I will have been out of treatment and back home a month. And I need to integrity check. WOW its been a long time since I have done one of these! So here we go~ I can tell that my "choices" are beginning to be tainted by ED again. My choices to skimp a little here and add some cardio in there. Now, granted, it has not affected me YET. But I know where these choices take me- I can play out the tape...all the way back to freakin rehab in Arizona. And God knows I NEVER want to end up there again. I just needed to come clean. And I will need to come clean on Friday with my dietitian. Because it is getting to that place where I am beginning to fear my choices- My meal plan- to fear surrendering again. So that's what I need to do. Because the secret of success...is surrender. To your higher power. To your team. And I just keep thinkin' I can keep doing it by myself. But I cant. I need all of you. No more secrets. I'm letting you know now. Progress..not perfection.
