Arizona sunsets

I didn’t think I would graduate college. I didn’t think I would live to see my friends all begin to get engaged, marry, have babies, begin their lives. I thought mine would be done. Ended. That is what I had hoped for. I had given up on myself. I didn’t want to live in the hell I was stuck in.

When I went to Rosewood Center for Eating Disorders for the first, second, third time- there was a sense of peace there I had never felt before. And as I slowly began to refeed and nourish my body, I also reformed my thoughts and emotions. I found my laughter again.

I am now seventeen days away from graduating with my degree in psychology from the University of Idaho. I have been striving for “recovery” for two years. Recovery. It is far from perfect, because I am NOT perfect. But in the imperfect, there is learning opportunities, healing, and advancement. Today I choose life. And today I was given the opportunity to interview with the very place that saved my life. This time they were not asking me about what condition my health was in, how badly I had plummeted again, but rather my strengths, what I can offer to their group of employees.

After, I asked what it was like for the head of HR to switch from his role in chemical dependency to an eating disorder facility. His answer~

“I didn’t know eating disorders were a large issue. When I began at rosewood, my first week I experienced malnourished individuals coming in like zombies. Blank stares and that walk of weakness. Defeat. But then you watch them come alive again through restoration and refeeding. It is beautiful, the process of finding themselves.”

I literally had goosebumps cover all of me as he finished. After the phone interview, I hung up and sobbed. Partially out of relief, mostly out of gratitude.

Yes, today I was accepted to work at Rosewood Rach for the summer of 2015 until I start my GRADUATE degree in the fall.

I wish I could pinpoint exactly what I am feeling right now…but honestly there are too emotions to choose just one. Sadness in leaving the family and friends I have here in Idaho, gratitude, shock, excitement, anxiety, fear, some guilt and unsureness. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I do know that I am eager to find out what His crazy plan is. For my life definitely has not turned out as I had planned. But then again, maybe that is a good thing. Who knows where I would be if it has been my will and not His.

Here is to a new adventure, as the story unfolds and the pages keep turning.

W~