Weary~

Visited with my lovely friend this morning and saw the concern in her eyes. Felt the tears tingling the back of my own throat. I feel the emptiness. The aching. The intense longing and suffering. I come to realize just how weary and drained I am. This shell that I have become. Only taking. Never giving. This lifeless zombie. Sucking the spirit out of life. Trying desperately to cling to something while falling off this cliff. Not slipping. Flying down it with intense velocity.Screaming. Kicking. Poison. Dripping down my throat, clinging to every fiber of my structure. Tainting everything I touch. In everything I do. Addicted. I want to stop. I really do. I see your face, read your heart. Hear the words. I wish I could do it for you. But alas, I am forever trapped in this vicious self-sabotaging escapade. And I realize just how truly tangled up I am. I hate this body. I hate the monster I see in the mirror. I want to feel anything good. Let the warmth seep into my lifeless, cold veins. Purple. Black and blue. Black. White. Where is the gray? Where is the middle ground between death and life? Recovery? It seems impossible. This feat feels too great to take on. My back is breaking from the weight of it all. The lifeless, weightless burden I carry. This monkey on my back. Strangling me. Gagging me. GET OFF. Get away from me Satan. I want rest. Peace. Quiet. Life. So weary.