The rain began last night. Thunder and lightning graced the sky periodically. The rain continued into today in the form of a steady down fall.
I went for a walk in the rain. I LOVE walking in the rain. It clears the cobwebs from my mind. The droplets wash away all doubt, pain, suffering, and care in that moment.
Wash over me-make me new.
The rain makes me long to be a child again. I want to make a giant blanket fort, find flashlights, and pretend we are astronauts on a long anticipated venture. Indians hiding from fierce storms. A family living back in the Colonial times.
I want to lose myself in between the covers of a mystery book, lost in the wonder and angst of what happens to Bobby and Sue as they solve the mystery of the century.
I want to run outside. Climb trees. Seek out adventure. I want to fall and feel the pain and have you pick me up, kiss the boo boo, and reassure me that I am OK- It is just a scrape.
I want to finger paint, color outside the lines, sculpt masterpieces that would shame Michelangelo with Play Dough.
I want to play dolls and script their life, making every aspect perfect, knowing all along the plan for their life.
I want to pretend the world is not rotating today- that all time is frozen and it is just you and me.
I want you to look at me the way you once did. I want to hold your hand and hear about your day. I want to tell you my dreams, all the while feeling my insides burning with anticipation and hope. I want to be able to trust. To feel. To know that I am safe in your arms and that no matter what happens, I have you.
I want to be ignorant of all the world says- all that it requires of me. It is on days like today that my inner child creeps out and begs to play. My little Winnie whispers to me, patiently, beautifully- twirling around in her black, sequined leotard. She is fearless. She is un-knowing. She is willing. She is PERFECT.
Why? Why cannot I see that little girl in the mirror staring back at me with her big brown eyes and waist-length curly hair? Why can't I hear her simple requests for fun- for life- for food- and for love and meet them? Why do I neglect this small child yearning for love and attention? If I could go back in time and tell her anything, I would simply tell her this:
"Take your time little one. One day at a time. You are a daughter of God. You are loved. You are beautiful."
Please open your eyes. See the rain. Feel its promise. Drink it in.
