Got up early this morning~ The house was quiet as I silently left for my morning A.A. meeting.
Sunday mornings are my favorite...
I am filled with gratitude today. Grateful to be here, amazed at how immense His love is for me, despite all I have done and the hardships I have trudged through this last week. When I trust Him, and let go, I feel free. And it is so relieving to know that He has a plan~ When I advocate for myself, for my life, all falls into place. How great is our God?
It's always darkest before the dawn. The A.A message was on impermanence. How feelings come and go. This too shall pass~ Like waves in the ocean. The tide ebbs and flows.
My friend and I went to the beach today. I love the ocean. Starbucks in hand, bearing books to read- I am content. Thoughts still convulse in my head~ Especially with body image and having to wear a swimsuit...in public. But surrounded by the sand, the sun, the sound of the ocean, the smell of sunscreen, the laughter of innocent children playing in the sand, and the company of a good friend, I feel at ease. I bare myself and feel free. Free with showing my scars, love handles, imperfections and all to the world. For this is me. And the ocean is the one place I can lose and find myself all at the same time. Like a two-sided boom-a-rang. I toss out my doubts and negativity, only to receive back compassion and hope, riding on the backs of the mystical, blue waves.
Because we all have a story. Each of our bodies, different in their own ways, are our own story books. Our shells disclose where we have been and what we have gone through. Not one is worth more than the other. We are more than our appearances, for our vessels encase our most genuine and beautiful attribute of all, our souls.
How will I be remembered when this life is passed? Not prematurely by my disease of Ana, but when God's perfectly planned out days come to a close. What will be said of me then? The legacy I have left. Will it be that I was a kind, compassionate, quiet woman? Or will it be said of me that I was a warrior. A soldier of that which is right. An honest, outspoken advocate for HEALTH, healing, and hope.
Nothing lasts forever. In the blink of an eye, all could be over. We never know. I say this not to be morbid, not to dwell on an end...But to remind myself of my primary purpose on this earth. To serve-the encourage. To live, breathe, and sleep love, kindness, gentleness, patience, and self control. To immerse myself in all things true, and to reach out to those no one else bothers to engage. To be salt to the world and light to the earth. To live my life to the fullest, as His fearless fighter.
THIRD STEP PRAYER:
God, I offer myself to
Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me
as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do
Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear
witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of
life.
May I do Thy will always~
http://youtu.be/zMBTvuUlm98
