For me, there were few things that were certain in life.
1. I would always live live in the same town growing up.
2. My parents were the epitomy of marriage, destined to be together forever. My parents were beside God. They were perfect. They would be around forever.
3. I would be a loving mother and attractive wife.
4. I would go to college and graduate in four years tops.
5. Because I am a Christian, I would A. always be happy. B. Never have any problems. C. Know God's plan for my life ALWAYS.
You are all probably laughing at me right now thinking how naive I was. Laugh..laugh till you cry. Because those 5 knowns, contstants, truths were FACTS in my life. I thought they were entirely true. I obviously had not payed attention in science. Because facts are based on humans flawed thinking, their day dreams and ideas they one day decide to try and prove. Science cannot be PROVEN. But I thought my thesis in life was IT. Boy, was I wrong. Still laughing?
I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember. I can remember being eight years old and placing myself on my first diet. I wanted to be like mommy. Little did I know "mommy" had a problem. It would be years before I found out the scary truth and then I would swear I would never be like her. Unfortunately, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and at the age of 14, my parents intervened on my first attempt at perfecting my eating disorder. Their attempts failed. I was "ok" for a little. Then I graduated and went to college- I was freeeeeeee. Ah! Freedom...It tasted like...Diet coke, mustard, pickles, splenda and whatever else I could find that was zero calories. Glorious.
It was at school I discovered the beauty of (harp music) the gym. Even more beautiful, was the fact that I had no one there to monitor how many times I went to the gym, what I did there, and the time I spent there. I picked up running. It was like picking up ecstasy or heroine, but without the creepy side affects. It was free, real, AND socially acceptable- even praised. And this was how my drug of choice came to be. It was easy as 1, 2, 3. Or 5 or 6 or heck! 10 miles. It was never enough. I was trapped. Endlessly, hopelessly in love.
