You are a rug burn of a man. You drag me around, give my heart whiplash, leave me burned and take an indefinite amount of time to heal. The problem…I am related to one. I’ve probably still got a few numbers of em saved in my phone. I go back to them. Time and time again.
Put down your bottle of booze, your video game controller, your skateboard, and step away from the office desk. Look me in the eyes. What do you see? And if you say the color brown…so help me. No. What you see is a story. Of fear, pain, triumph, doubt, longing. Behind those eyes there is a tale written is our soul, etched into our being. A code waiting to be cracked, a treasure, yours for the finding. But it won’t be easy. The map is hard to read; the path is long and takes great patience. And at times it can be quite treacherous. You will encounter perilous waters, steep mountains, dark valleys, and various other roadblocks along the way. There is no easy way around, over, or under it. Only through it. So don’t even try to find the easier, softer way. Because all the men who have tried that crap on me have just added to the pain. You can either wade through the shiz, or walk away now. The risk is great. But the pay off can be greater.
Pull up your pants, get the smirk off your face, quit suckin’ face and listen up. We are not another story to tell, a prize to be “had”, a cherry to ‘pop’, or something to be conquered or tamed. We are not just another notch in your belt (which you should really purchase and utilize to keep your saggy pants up!) We are human beings. Not just curves and a pretty face. We are delicate, yet resilient. But we can only bend so much before we break. When enough blocks are removed from our foundation of trust, our Jenga towers will come tumblin’ down. And it takes a long time to try and rebuild. And every move is painfully uncomfortable. So here’s to you player. Play on. But not with this girl.
You enter the darkness, the smell of booze on your breathe.
That dazed look in your eye, is this happening again?
I close my eyes and the same sounds come right back
It feels like a train runnin’ right off its track
Your slurred words make no sense, you keep fallin’ asleep
I brace myself against the force of your fist
Against my teeth
You use me up, you walk away
Never will life now be the same
I can’t stand myself for what you did
Don’t want to wake up, don’t want to live.
So take your memories and cheap tricks
Your lies and your shame
Take it all, I fold.
I’m done playin’ this game.
To the women…
Don’t just sit there. Don’t bemoan yourself…Don’t you dare ask me, “Why oh why do I attract such losers? That’s a cop out. You attract all sorts of people. However, you gravitate towards the players, the heart breakers, the bad boys. Why? Because that is what you know. We accept the love we think we deserve. So go get a piece of paper. Make a list of qualities you want in a partner. List them all. Now, step back and look at it real closely. Are you willing to be all those things to him? Open? Communicative? Honest? Gulp~
Next, are you ALL those things to YOURSELF? Are you honest, open, and intimate with yourself? Respectful? Not to mention, even kind? Or do you stare at yourself each morning in the mirror as you get ready and curse your very reflection. While putting on your mask made of makeup each day, do you slap on some self hatred, as well. Then finish it off with a spray of negativity and unworthiness?
Cause I’m pretty sure a relationship takes two to tango. Dating is not just a one-way street. You got to make peace with yourself before you can ever find someone who will cherish YOU for YOU. Because you have to discover and accept YOU before he can see you. ½ plus ½ does equal 1. But I am pretty sure you want to be TWO whole people bound by the privilege of love, not one weird, sick, needy and blubbering mess of a human…Just a guess.
So yup…dating is hard. I don’t understand guys. I sure as hell don’t appreciate players. But I don’t think I am a walk in the park either. I am confusing and indecisive and PMS constantly. I snort when I laugh and cry for no good reason. I am a work in progress. I am quirky and adventurous, which places me on the ‘somewhat fun to hang around with’ scale. So if you wanna join me in my attempts to navigate and muddle through this mess called life~ GREAT. But it won’t be pretty or contained. It will be a tornado of pink puppies, shrieking wildebeests, elephants, and long armed orangutans. An upside down rainbow with all colors of the spectrum. But if you are brave enough, you just may find a pot o’ gold at the end. Who knows…
