Here I am! Back in the Midwest where the dew point is hittin' 70% humidity and the air is so wet my straightened hair is immediately turned to a frizzled mess. The land is flat and glittered with the shiny domes of corn silos. Cows, bunny rabbits, chipmunks and farmers are plentiful.
The sky has been ominous the last few days, the mention of rain tricking us. My heart and emotions were swirling faster than the dark clouds as I departed Tuesday morning bright and early for Phoenix to fly out to Milwaukee. I had been in Arizona for five months fighting for my life- Fighting against this insidious and corrosive disease- anorexia. Finally, with health regained and the treatment team's approval, I was cleared to continue my journey outside of Capri. Where to go? Where to go? IOP was out of the question- insurance "conveniently" rolled over on July 1st which left me with a $3500 out of pocket deductible fee to pay if I enrolled in a formal IOP center somewhere. This sent my obsessive brain into a tailspin. Where to go? Where to go? Many a night I called my parents tormented about what next step to take. I consulted my treatment team over other options. I got on my knees and prayed that the Lord would open my eyes to whatever plan He had.
"Where to go, where to go?" I asked the Lord over again.
"Here into my arms," was His patient, calm answer to my panicking temperament.
For eight years I resided in Wisconsin where I spent my childhood free of addiction and filled instead with laughter. My entire extended family lives mostly here in Fond Du Lac. My Aunt is a recovered addict and also struggled with an eating disorder in points of her life. Later on, she decided to open up a sober living home to give back and reach out to girls struggling with alcoholism and dual-addictions.
It was here that God opened my eyes and her heart to. $90 dollars a week, close to Main Street and aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents it seemed like the perfect spot.
I talked it over with my team and we decided, let's do it~ So I made my flight reservation, crammed all my belongings in a paper towel box, said my goodbyes through tear filled eyes, and flew up to sticky Wisco on Tuesday. Once I stepped off that plane, my stormy heart was calmed by God's peace and the loving arms of my Aunt and Uncle who I am staying the week at until I check into the sober house.
Sunshine enveloped my soul. Trust me, I have moments where my heart clouds over...quite frequently actually. Food is hard. I spend my day by myself until my family returns from work at night. Ed gets in my head.
Skip this exchange. Don't eat your snack. You don't need this, you’re disgusting. P.I.G
But then I see the faces of my family- the small beautiful face of the 5 year old cousin I have NEVER met and I remember...I remember what I am fighting for. A small child of my own someday, perhaps. A life. Freedom. Happiness. And I push on.
I hear GODS voice overpower the perturbing voice of ED: "Into my arms little one. I am here."
For through HIM I can do all things. I can trust- that HE will provide my needs.
The rock I was given before I left Capri had the word "Miracles" inscribed on it. My journey has been a miracle. God continually places miracles in my life- My Aunt and Uncle who have taken me in- shelter, food, and support. It WILL take a miracle to find a job. To somehow financially support myself- with rent, food bills, and doctor's visits. But the Lord has gotten me this far. Through HIM I can do all things.
In my Bible I read this quote, “Living by faith is not easy, but it is essential. It is the only weapon for adversity that cannot fail."
Dorothy Kelly Patterson
One day at a time. Thank you for your support and continued prayers! I need all the help I can get~
YOU ARE ALL MY MIRACLES~
