Mealplan

A very dear friend of mine and I were texting to one another the other day...she asked if I would care for a blog post written by her. As a fellow ED survivor and addict, I was more than thrilled to hear her thoughts. What I received was astoundingly painful to read for me. Not only because she is my gumba, my good friend, my strong shoulder. But also because it infuriates me the power of this disease. And how some think it is nothing but a striving to 'look good.' Just last summer, I had an acquaintance email me asking me how I started my "disease."
She just wanted to lose some weight...drop a couple of pounds...shed some winter weight. My friends...this amounts to nothing in comparison with an eating disorder. Whatever spectrum you are on throughout the ED scale, it will only end one way. Death.
This post is dedicated to the further education and awareness of what ED really is like. Cheers~

“Dude, if you make a meal plan, the one you follow, I promise to stick to it to a tee so that I can have a body that is remotely close to as perfect as yours” This was the 2nd text message I got this week along those lines. Me? Make a meal plan? Well, I am a pretty decent nutritionist and extraordinarily knowledgeable about the science behind food. Therefore, I am more than capable of making a successful meal plan. However, my friends asked me for MY meal plan. The truth is, yesterday I ate 2 bites of a pb and j so I didn't pass out again this week. the day before that I had a side kale salad from a vegan bar. Today is Sunday. Those were the two solid "meals" that I’ve had in the past 7 days. The truth is, I’m more than happy that my friends don't “understand” how I "do it". The truth is, "how I do it" is by depriving my body of the vital nutrients that it needs to survive. The truth is, I have the heart of an 80 year old. I have virtually no stomach lining. I have ulcerative colitis and well as chronic bleeding ulcers. I used to have Mallory Weiss tears that have scarred my esophagus, a growth on my vocal chords and have permanently affected my voice. I have Osteopenia, which is the stage before Osteoporosis. I get pneumonia or bronchitis every year because I have no immune system and horrible kidneys. The truth is my medical problems and health is much more than I listed above. The truth is that the average 23 year old does doesn't face a fraction of what I listed above. The truth is while I was texting my friend last night about how I was loving life, the sunshine, teaching yoga and my blossoming art company, I was simultaneously carving the word tainted into my inner thigh with a razor. Sober. The truth is, that merely knowing why I do what I do doesn’t change my powerful disconnect between my head and my heart. The truth is, if you knew the truth, and you still believe that my body is perfect, than you want to walk around with an invisible noose around your neck like I have been for 15 years. There is nothing glamorous about anorexia, bulimia or any eating disorder. Friends, do you still want my meal plan?"